Sunday, November 27, 2011

A lack of confidence ......(Part Two)

Ever since Bob was diagnosed with cancer, his bones are pretty weak, he isn't very stable; which means that I'm left to do many of the heavy things around the house. If we take a trip, I load the car. If we end a trip, I unload the car. And I've almost grown to hate the RV, because it's like moving from one house to another.

And, because his reflexes aren't as good as they once were, I do the majority of the driving. His driving stints have been limited from home to town (4 miles) or maybe to Laurel (18 miles). Until this trip to Texas (this Thanksgiving), when we stopped to get gas. I came out of the station, from using the "necessity room" and there he sat, under the steering wheel - just grinning.

I said "Are you sure you feel like driving?" "Wouldn't you like for me to continue?" To which I received "Yes, I'm fine." and "No, I can do it." Did I think he was going to bound out from under that steering wheel and let me take over?  No, but I certainly prayed that he would. We merged back onto I-20, headed west, with me sweating as profusely as if the western sun was baking me. Needless to say, it was a good case of nerves - mine.

After about twenty minutes of silence (mine). other than the deep sighs (mine), there wasn't a sound of noise in the car ......other than the rub-a-dub-dub when he'd go from one lane to the other and linger on the caution bumps between the lanes. He was "fiddling" with the gadgets, on the dash, trying to get everything set to his specifications, and I was watching the interstate with eagle eyes (just as if I was still in charge of the steering wheel) and clinging to the door handle with a deathlike grip. I'm not sure what good I thought either action would produce.

He'd get a little too close to one lane, or the other, and I'm sure the veins in my hand looked about to burst as I gripped the door.  I was literally sitting on the edge of the seat. He lingered too long (or so I thought) on the rub-a-dub-dubs and was getting (or so I thought) too close to the 5th wheel in front of us. I'm not sure if I let out a "monumental sigh", or made a comment, but whatever I did, I soon found myself back under the steering wheel, with a very unhappy passenger! Now, how we got from me being the passenger to me being the driver shall forever go unmentioned. Let's just say, it wasn't a pretty sight and there were some words spoken (his).

We did drive for many miles in unspoken silence, but by the time we got to Texas, we had mended our fences. A couple doesn't stay married for 50 plus years without learning how to give and take. But  admittedly, I had already begun to worry about that long drive back home. Who would sit under that wheel? Not that I'm the Danica Patrick of drivers (gotta' know NASCAR for this to mean anything), but I've been in control of the car for so many months - it has just become "my thing".

God does work in mysterious ways. We were in Texas less than 24 hours when I had a major head problem; blacking out and so dizzy I could have been a blonde (sorry, girls).  Having had two cousins with malignant Glioblastomas, the thought crossed my mind that I could be in real trouble. However, a couple of trips to an ER, an overnight stay in the hospital,  a CT Scan and an MRI proved there was nothing major going on in my head (I know there are many of you who are grinning and thinking "knew that all the time"). It was just a severe case of Vertigo (Inner Ear issues). We were advised that Texas should invite the Gorrells to stay a few more days, since my honey is unable to drive the entire distance. I probably wouldn't do any better than he did in keeping the car between the rub-a-dub-dubs. Nor did I feel like I could be in control of anything, especially a car! (Side note: For the first time, in years, I didn't have to cook Thanksgiving dinner!)

So after a few days rest, between the two of us we'll try to get this car, us, and everyone else on the interstate, back on home territory unscathed. And, I wonder if my honey will be as concerned about getting in the car with me, as I was with him. Yes, God really does work in mysterious ways. I'm so glad He allowed my dizzy spell to happen while my feet were on the ground rather than under the steering wheel.

Still working on building that sense of confidence! Stay tuned for "Lack of confidence .....Part Three"


  1. Oh my, Sarah ... I am very thankful your vertigo occurred after you had reached your destination and not while you were driving the RV. Good that you're taking some extra time there to rest before heading back home. Be safe!

  2. Dianne: Amen to that!! Now, I'll be concerned everytime I get behind the wheel (and so will Bob, I'm sure).

  3. Oh dear! This sounds familiar! I sit next to FL, with white knuckles as I grip the seat, my foot pressed hard to the floor as if it was the brake. It is only since he got his hearing aids that he has realised that he drives in the wrong gear a lot of the time (engine screaming) but the middle of the road driving position is very hard on my nerves!
    And he always expects to drive if we are going any distance at all.
    You have my sympathy! And please be well yourself!

  4. Roo: One's nerves can do terrible things. It's that "not driving in the right lane" thing that bothers me!

    Keep stitching!!

    Hugs from across the pond....

  5. I'm sorry you had to deal with medical issues while you were here - and I hope the trip back home goes smoothly!

    I have "those moments" driving with many people who don't even have an illness! It's that loss of control for me...

  6. Angie: Arrived home safely, late this afternoon....and my honey did most of the driving! (Lucky for everyone since I'm still pretty dizzy.)

    Still hope to catch up with you on one of our TX trips! Hope everything is going okay.

  7. Oh I hate vertigo. Had a bad spell of it myself in Sept. I swear by Bonine for it.
    It's meclazine, which is the ingredient for anti-vert. Hope you're feeling better. Mine seems to stem from the neck. I found out, after many doctor visits years back when I had terrible vertigo issues, that TMJ and neck problems are a common cause. Such an awful feeling. I often lose my patience with Tim's driving. Though he is pretty good, I am more careful and yell at him for not caring a bit if he is making me nervous. sigh