Saturday, March 12, 2011

Back home in Mississippi...

"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day, you’ll look back and realize they were the big things”

I was extremely thankful to have our son-in-law, Chris, drive us back home, from Dallas. Bob had been so sick, while in Zale-Lipshy Hospital, I was concerned about his being able to withstand the long drive with just the two of us. Maybe it was just the fact that we were headed home, but he seemed to feel better than he had, in days. He talked about playing golf, again and about traveling when he got strong enough. I sat, in the backseat, and listened to the positive conversation.

He wakes up feeling bad, but as the day wears on he seems to get better - then nightfall comes and the yucky feeling returns. His appetite seems to be better, but some of his pain has returned. Once, we were able to "blame" the yucky feeling, and the pain, on the chemo .....but it has been almost two months since his last treatment. I search for answers for the reason he feels bad, or hurts, and I begin to wonder if the Myeloma has already begun to creep back. His M-Spike, when we left Dallas, was 0.1 (really good).....but the Myeloma in his Bone Marrow was still at 15% (not so good).

Next week, we meet with his oncologist to learn what his options will be if he decides against the Stem Cell Transplant. We have great support from family and friends, but the decision is his to make. The journey won't be easy, regardless of the path he decides to take.

I have to admit, I still have those moments of "I can't believe this is happening to us". I've made it through most of the 5 Steps, with the exception of "Acceptance". It's hard to "accept" that my honey has cancer. I hate to even say the word, but I try to remain strong and keep a positive attitude. When he's down, I have to have the strength to pick him up ..... mentally.

Lucky for me - for both of us - I'm well and have no maladies. I'm so excited to be 70 years of age (and, I have a hard time "accepting" that I'm 70!) and still take no medications. Actually, I don't have anymore room on my "pharmacy counter" for meds for me!

Cancer metastasizes to the entire family. It affects everyone in some way, and until you have walked in the shoes of the patient, or the caregiver, or other members of the family, it's impossible to understand. It's just common nature for well-meaning outsiders to want to give advice. Bob has heard "you need to walk more", or "you need to eat more", or "you really need to have a positive attitude"; as well as a dozen other "you need to...". He's such a nice guy, in the past he has smiled and nodded. Lately, he's begun to say "until you've walked in my shoes - you don't know how I feel." I consider that as having spunk.....and I'm glad he's got it!!

Yes, we're back home in the Magnolia State where our days are beginning to be sunny. Just good "porch sitting" weather. It's great to sit on the front porch and watch the birds flit around the feeder as we listen to the wind in the tops of the tall pines. We await the return of the hummingbirds, and we're happy that we're back home......and have another day.


  1. Sarah and Bob, So pleased you are enjoying porch weather. It was beautiful here today. Nick and I are still doing all the things necessary to get our house ready for market. Yes, a bitter/sweet leaving here , however we think this is the right decision. Also, we are looking forward to have more family time..very sweet. You two are in our prayers daily. God Bless, Dimple

  2. Advice is something that is well-meant, but wearing on the recipients. God, if only there really was a Samantha who could wiggle her nose or if there really was an "Easy" button that we could push! There's not, though, and despite all the best wishes from those who care, the journey really is a lonely one. Yes, our loved ones are always, always, always there ... but the patient is the only one wearing those all-too-tight shoes. What we'd give for a taste of something that wasn't metallic ... if only we could do something we once enjoyed ... instead, all things have that damnable taste and we can only watch from the sidelines as we question our faith and wonder how something like this could happen to us. I found that I gained strength from the thought that God allowed me to be stricken with cancer because he knew I had the support system to be a survivor while others might not ... that perhaps something in my treatment would open a door to allow for a cure. Those who give advice may know someone who "has the same exact thing", but this disease acts differently on everyone and everyone reacts differently with this disease ... and the very best thing you can do is to keep the patient AND the caregiver in your thoughts and prayers.

  3. Dimple & Charlie: I loved your house and the beautiful setting - but I understand your need to be closer to "home". It's so beautiful, I'm sure it will sell very quickly.

    Thank you so much for your words of comfort and support. We appreciate your prayers....need all we can get!!


  4. Johnny: You know this journey, by heart, that we are traveling. Thank you for being there - for Bob - for his questions, his concerns, his anxiety......he needs your shoulder, and you're always there. Maybe that's the role you're supposed to play.....for others walking this path.

    Love you, lil' brother....