Saturday, July 23, 2011

You want me to do what?????

Just exactly two weeks from the day we left home, we returned home. What?? Weren't you planning on staying a month?? Yes, in fact, we were.

I think my honey thought this trip would be magic. We'd take off in this rolling hotel (RV) of ours, with him at the helm (most of the time, I drive .....the car), we'd stop along the way at Rest Areas, and have breakfast or lunch.......just like we used to do.......before cancer.

He got tired, as we loaded, but I thought nothing of it. I got tired, too. He said he felt okay, and he seemed okay....and silly me....I listened, and I believed.

So, on Thursday morning  - just two weeks ago - on the road we went. He seemed okay. He looked okay. He even acted okay. The man shoulda' been an actor!

We finally arrived at our campground, near Hillsville, VA on Saturday about noon. He seemed okay. He looked okay. He acted okay.

He was tired, and he rested, and I thought nothing of it. After all, Myeloma causes fatigue, and weakness, and so many other things. And, it had been a long trip, and I was tired.

One week from the day we left home, we went on our first excursion up in the mountains. (That really was a clue that things weren't as good as he was pretending.) We didn't go to the Blue Ridge Mountains, which were to our East and South......but to the Appalachian Mountains which were back to our West. I drove. Because he tires easily, it was really just a road trip and a visual experience. We never were into hiking, so not being able to climb the mountain didn't bother me. After all, I have an excellent Treadmill, in my bedroom, and it's such a great place to hang clothes and is in air conditioning, why get all hot and sweaty, outside!

For the next few days, he sat and rested....or slept on the sofa, in the RV. And, he started doing something that he hadn't been doing. He began to ask for a pain pill when he first got up, in the morning. He finally quit, as our friends like to say, "putting on a front" and began to admit that he wasn't feeling good - and really hadn't felt good for some time (even before we left home).

I began to ask "do we need to go home, while you can still drive this thing?" (I drive cars....not RVs). So finally, on Wednesday (just one day shy of two weeks from when we left home), my honey decided that we needed to head home - so he could get back to his doctor. And, because he really was no longer able to drive the RV......bless his's still on vacation, in VA!

Was I upset? Yes, a little. But, I realized that this was something he was trying to do for me. He wanted things to be as they were ....... before cancer. But our life has changed.......nothing is the same.

We have taken three vacations in the past year. The first vacation, he got sick and we came home to a diagnosis of Multiple Myeloma. The second vacation, he got sick and we came home to see the doctor. This was the third vacation, and he got sick and had to come back to the doctor.

Please, please, please don't mention the words trip, or vacation, to me.......I'm just not sure how I might react. You know what they say, "All's well that ends well"....well, so far, these vacations haven't ended too well.


  1. We often got those "no answer" responses, too, and they are so very frustrating. Just tell me what it is and what you can do to 'fix' it please!

    I'm relieved you made it home safely and I hope an angel volunteers to get that RV back home to you so that's one less thing for you to worry about.

    I'm keeping both you and Bob in my prayers.

  2. Sarah and Bob , Life is a journey not always a happy trip but traveling together makes the trip a blessing to share with your loved one, .Some days the sun shines bright some days the sun stays hidden,but the sun is always there up in the sky. We must never forget the old song ''YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE '' play the song and enjoy the meaning..God bless!

  3. You're amazing! I think they start out with all the best of intentions and courage and then.... well, it is what it is, and you're amazing!

  4. He definitely is my sunshine...with the best of intentions. He thinks he's doing me a favor by keeping his aches & pains to himself.

  5. Sarah, I'm so sorry your trip did not turn out as planned. I have 3 children and, right or wrong, I do try and hide all my aches and pains from them. I still work full time and I try to keep up with all their activities. I try and keep everything as normal as possible for them and my husband, too, so as not to worry everyone. My head tells me I can do it, but sometimes my body betrays me. I do this with the intention that my MM does not become an obstacle to their joys and daily routines. I'm sure Bob thought he would be fine on your trip and did not want to take this pleasure away from you. And, I know from experience how hard it must have been for Bob to admit he couldn't continue with your trip. We want so much for life to be like it used to be but sometimes the comfort of home is all we need. You're outlook is amazing, Sarah. I pray that Bob is feeling better soon.

  6. Jodi: Your input, as a MM patient helps. This disease has been so hard on him - because he has never given in to illness. He just always kept going......and he's been unable to do that.

    You are such a role model to your family. I'm sure they realize what a special mother/wife they have.

    Hugs to you!!

  7. Oh, Sarah,

    Bob tried so hard, didn't he. but good your six sense was telling you something was not quite right. so glad you are back home and that Bob can feel safe and comfortable until he sees the doctor. I will keep you both close to my heart, sending warm hugs and positive thoughts. this is karen - site wouldn't let me post with just my name?

  8. Sarah: I'm sorry -- but so glad you are back home now where you both need to be! Maybe I could drive your RV home for you??? I'll admit I've only driven a 26' Uhaul (recently)... that's remotely close to being an RV. Send me an email and we can think about it.

  9. It's just as well I'm from the UK so can say holiday! Getting back home yesterday we managed to avoid any myeloma induced holiday issues. In Feb B was off a few days and I ended up in hospital for two weeks, in June he was off for a week so I just kept it to that week but we managed to do okay this time. Well, apart from a brief dalliance with the thought of shingles in the middle of my back but nothing materialised further and I think it was my new bra rubbing! ;D

    Hope Bob is feeling somewhat better even just for being home with everything to hand - like medical staff you know.

  10. Karen: Not sure why blogger wouldn't let you post with your name. It's often "finicky". He did try hard to make this trip work, but he's very glad to be back home.

    Just wish he'd get to feeling better!! Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.


  11. Suz: Thank for your offer! I'd love to see you, again. Not sure just yet, what we'll do about getting it home.

    It is good to have him back in home territory....if he can just get to feeling better.

    Hugs to you and that little cutie pie!!

  12. Feresa: It seems that whether it's a vacation, or a holiday, this MM can really mess it up. So glad it was your bra...and not the shingles!! (Hope you take meds for those.)

    Hurry up and make more comfy socks, and get photos posted!!

    Hugs to you....

  13. This post made me tear up. These men try so hard to try to keep MM from affecting us wives, as I'm sure the women MM'ers do for their families too. I've been trying to get Tim out to Wyoming. He scoffs at the drive but I drive too so I wish he would reconsider. I just feel like I have this bucket list that has to happen before he needs treatment again and doesn't feel up to it. Hope your sweetie is feeling better and I'd bet you could hire out someone to drive your RV home.
    Denise (Tim's wife)

  14. Denise: MM is such terrible disease, and sometimes, it isn't even the cancer, but something else that causes the problems.

    We've had offers from so many, to get the RV back home....but my honey seems to think he's going to get over this, and go get it himself.

    I hope you get to Wyoming!!